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The Winner Takes It All
Luke Toulson on the art of winning and the art of running up.
First things first, I never won anything as a civilian. Not even close. I once won a poetry writing competition at primary school, but I don’t think anyone would count that. Especially not at the age of 31. However, I am certain it is this constant failure that led me to being a comic. I appreciate different comics come to stand-up via different paths. But my path was very much one of failing at everything else, and then saying, “Fuck it. What have I got to lose?” When you’ve got nowhere else to go, you go to an open-mic night. But it is as a comic that I have won something more prestigious, (though not in the eyes of my mum), than the Watford Poetry Weekend’s ‘Most Improved Writer’ 1982. In 2007, 5 months after my first ever stand-up gig, I won the Hackney Empire New Act of the Year. Previous finalists include, Eddie Izzard, Harry Hill, and Russell Brand. You see, finalists do rather well out of the competition. The winner tends to disappear without trace.
With that in mind, maybe my greater achievement is being the last of the Perrier losers. In 2005, the last year before they changed their name to the if.comedies, I was part of a double-act nominated for the Best Newcomer. A double-act widely regarded as being undeserving of its nomination. It was even more widely regarded that I was the second funniest member of that double-act. But my point is, the guy who won that year, Tim Minchin, where’s he now? Exactly. Oh no, hang on. He’s in the 700 seat Pleasance Grand. Me? The 50 seat Pleasance Cellar. Cellars have got a very bad reputation at the moment. Nothing good happens in a Cellar. You don’t hear, “Where’s the bouncy castle, Frank?” “Oh, it’s in the cellar.” Other venues at the Pleasance are called things like, The Beyond, Pleasance Above, The Ace Dome. No one would complain about a lifetime of abuse if it took place in The Ace Dome. “We think you’re gonna need years of therapy.” “Fuck that. I’ve been in the Ace Dome. Where have you been?” As soon as it happens in a cellar, everyone thinks it’s sick. So when people leave my show feeling dirty, I didn’t do that to them. The cellar did that to them.
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Luke Toulson's 'There Are So Many Things I Can’t Do' was on at the Pleasance Courtyard.
published: Oct-2008
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